Anahata

Happy New Year! Hope everyone had a lovely holiday. I seem to have been doing so many things and a lot of nothing at the same time. Yin to my Yang. I spent the week between Christmas and New Years, eating a lot of oatmeal. Sleeping for 10 hours a day -- can we say hibernation? Getting my yoga on, and indulging in more cocktails than I'd like to admit -- hot toddy's and bourbon coffee are so good right now. Which is why Saturday was the BEST thing I could've done for myself. I attended another session of Breathwork with Brigitte. 

This time there were 30+ beautiful souls along for the journey. I was also fortunate enough to experience this next to Devin. I held his hand in mine and onward we went. The room as warm, and as Brigitte guided us through the breath I began to sweat. My mind went into so many directions it's hard to remember exactly what was going on. I remember feeling this intense gripping sensation in my hands. My right palm curled tight into a fist -- so tightly that one couldn't pry it open if they wanted to. In the hand that was holding Devin's I felt an electric current. As if there was a surge of electricity moving back and forth between his hand and mine. My arms then felt as if they were chained to the floor. I couldn't move them or uncurl my fingers. I just kept breathing in and out of my body, and tried to relax knowing this sensation was only temporary. I was quite fascinated by the electric feel that was projecting between our hands. This was of course not necessarily a new sensation - as Devin and I have experienced our energy bodies reacting to one another before, but the intensity of this was quite new. This went on for the entire active meditation portion. It reminded me of that small shock sensation one may have when you encounter and electric shock - such as a piece of clothing that has static electricity that zaps you a little bit. 

Once the active meditation ended, we were guided to soften and relax the breath and body, however, I still couldn't ease up on the grip. Then I started to convulse, right there on the floor after a few "calming" breaths. My chest was surging towards the sky and tears streamed down my face. At this point I was sweating profusely, and it felt and I'm sure appeared like I was having my own little dance party on my mat. Both Brigitte and Rick confirmed later, this was the case. #breathworkdanceparty? Anyways, after what seemed like forever my breath started to ease up and I began to grow a little chilly as my body started to relax. My arms softened as I was still experiencing tingling through my fingers and arms but it had become lighter. After the restorative portion of the breath, we were guided into a mini savasana. I tried to just relax as best I could, I was hyper aware of all the noises in the room, the beating of my own heart, the chill my body felt. It was a surreal moment as I laid there. Once Brigitte cued us to stir it took me a while to find movement, my hands still felt glued to the floor and my fingers felt locked into the fists I had created during the active meditation portion. I laid curled up on my side for a while before I felt the urge and ability to get myself upright. As I made my way up, others in the group started to share their experiences. It always amazes me the similarities that we all experienced, and yes I know we're all sharing that same energy, but we all have something different going on internally. Some had that 'fist of fury' experience as I'll dub it - others expressed feelings of a wedding and a funeral. Extremes on both ends of the spectrum. I felt exhausted, my mind was dull and my body felt like it had just been hit by a bus. Even today a few days later my arms are aching like I lifted something incredibly heavy.  

I shared with Brigitte what I was feeling and had experienced. Tightness in the hands is often showing a blockage that one can have in our heart chakra. Even though the hands are clearly not our hearts, they are passages directly to it. She explained that this type of reaction meant I had fear in my heart. Let's rewind to get everyone on the same page about the fourth chakra. The fourth chakra, also known as Anahata, is the center of love and connection. A strong, balanced heart chakra allows you to live freely and openly from a place of compassion. However, a blocked heart chakra can interfere with your happiness and relationships in many ways. Some common symptoms of a blockage can include loneliness, fear, anxiety, inability to forgive. If this chakra is imbalanced in some way it means that somewhere along the line, there has been a disruption in your attitude and understanding of love. For me, I would say that I definitely have fear when it comes to matters of the heart. Not just in romantic relationships either. I've experienced pain in all types of relationships with those I've cared for. I've done a good amount of healing and meditation, but of course there's always more work to be done. I sometimes find my mind subconsciously going back to past experiences and trying to project that into the now, weaving small webs of doubt. The mind will play tricks on you, which is when you have to learn to shut it down and listen from the heart. You must also know your worth, and know that good things are meant for you -- that the love you show to others will be given back to you as well. Which is interesting. I was sort of surprised see what was blocked this time around and how ironic that Devin was there to share the experience with me. The hand that was holding his wasn't gripped shut. It was electric and moving energy. I told Dev about this and what Brigitte had explained to me about my fear and blockage in my heart chakra. His thoughts were that given what we had learned and experienced that perhaps his hand was helping to ground me. I like this explanation of course -- but that's me being biased. He too felt the current surging between our hands, but didn't experience any gripping or tightness sensations. How interesting that the hand that held his was open and freely moving of energy. This leads me to believe that my heart is open to him, I have always felt that but surly this supports that belief. I'm not going to analyze what happened much further, just keeping an open mind about it all and promising myself to try and keep my heart open too. In the meantime, I'm going to try a few of these techniques to help keep the energy moving and flowing. The below consists of meditations, affirmations, visualizations, suggestions I've pulled from various texts and online blogs. 

• Be green. Get out in nature. Even this time of year with all the snow! I also just acquired some new plants for the house. 
• See green. Visualize a strong, clear green light filling up your heart center—located in the center of your sternum and below your shoulder blades.
• Breathe green. Diffuse EO's such as lavender, beragmot, sandalwood, ylang ylang. 
• Be love. 
• Give love. 
• Listen to love. The songs or sounds that light up your heart. 
• Remind myself that the grass isn't always greener. 
• Practice yoga. 
• Forgive.

"The Heart chakra is such an important chakra, the centerpiece of all seven. It is the place where the physical and spiritual planes come together, and all of this rests on a foundation of love and gratitude. When it is open, there is much joy and love to be found in the world. This is why it is important for everyone to heal and grow the fourth chakra." - Mind Valley

If you haven't attended Breathwork yet and you live locally in Capital District I urge you to get to a workshop soon. This meditation is truly transformational. Thanks to Brigitte and Rick for guiding all of us on Saturday. xx 

Breathwork Meditation

Sunday evening I decided to join my friend Marci and try out a breathing meditation called Breathwork here in Saratoga. To be honest, I haven’t sat down and just focused on my breath since India … whomp whomp ... "bad lady" as Timji would say. It’s been far too long since I sat down and truly dedicated time and space to just my breathing. I’m guilty of tacking it on to the end of my practice or the beginning, but usually due to lack of time, it’s short and honestly after yesterday, feels a bit pathetic. 

Yesterdays class was guided by Brigitte and was AMAZING. She has the gentlest voice and holds the space for all in attendance. You start lying down on your back, with any props that you may need to support you. I chose to have a bolster under my knees and blanket on top to keep me warm. Once you are situated we start to breathe. This is a Three-Part Breath — Dirga Swasam Pranayama (DEER-gah swha-SAHM prah-nah-YAH-mah) — and is often the first breathing technique taught to new yoga practitioners. The “three parts” are the abdomen, diaphragm, and chest. During Three-Part Breath, you first completely fill your lungs with air, as though you are breathing into your belly, ribcage, and upper chest. Then you exhale completely, reversing the flow. You sort of make a little swishing sound if you can imagine as the parts of the breath come and go from the body.

Dirga Swasam comes from two Sanskrit words. “Dirga” (also spelled “Deerga”) has several meanings, including, “slow,” “deep,” “long,” and “complete.” “Swasam” refers to the breath. Therefore, this practice is sometimes also referred to as “Complete Breath.” It is also often simply called “Dirga Pranayama.” Dirga Swasam also helps us open up energy blockages we may have in the body. We start down low at the root chakra and through the breath lift and move the energy all the way up to the crown chakra. 

Brigitte guided us during the 60 minutes to keep focusing on the breath. She added in some cues along the way, such as giggles or laughing, or yelling into your hands, moving when we needed to, and she applied various essential oils to the throat, chest, misted in the air to help us open up our chakras. 

About halfway through the breath work I started to feel like someone was choking me. Tight hands clenched around my throat making it feel impossible to breath. I just kept the breath as steady as I could in my attempt to work through it. Enter Throat Chakra blockage! Where in the world did you come from? This Chakra is also called Visuddha, it is our bodies way of having a voice. It is the 5th Chakra and is the 1st of the 3 spiritual Chakras. It is positioned in the throat, it rules our thyroid, jaw, neck, mouth, tongue, parathyroid and larynx. When our Throat Chakra is in balance, we can speak and listen with confidence and express our higher selves in a completely authentic way. Expressing yourself like this is not always easy and there is a real line between being honest and remaining diplomatic. This is the pressure valve that releases energy from all the other Chakras to be distributed and expressed. If it is out of balance it can affect the health of our other energy centres, it is really important to balance it so we can fully express from our higher self. 

Well, well, well, Ms Taegan Marie, what in the world do we have here. What are you hiding deep down, that you can’t find the words to express? This is the thought that crept into my mind while I felt like devil hands were gripped on my throat, and I was gasping for breath — okay so it wasn’t so dramatic, but I couldn’t figure out why there was a blockage at that moment, and I knew I would look into it after class. So, I continued to breath. Just focusing on the breath and with each cycle the sensation became less and less. 

We finally slow down the complete breath and move into a meditative breath. Easy inhales in and out of the body, just letting our body relax even more onto the mat. As Brigitte encourages us to move our hands from the floor to our heart, I can’t move. My hands feel like a ton of bricks and tingling sensations all throughout them. So I decide to just lay there and breathe and then all the tears start flooding in. I cried and cried, gently as the tears streamed down the sides of my face. I suddenly became flush with heat and was burning hot. I saw images of people and things flash into my mind. Again, not sure why those very specific people or things came to me, but I decided not to analyze at that moment. This went on for what seemed like 20 minutes, although I’m sure it was much less. By the time Brigitte encouraged us to slightly move our fingers and toes and breathe deeper I calmed down and the tears had stopped. It took me a bit to move, again that sticky like feeling and tingling was all throughout my body. As I came back to the present moment, I felt very calm and at ease albeit a bit exhausted. We all shared our individual experiences and it was amazing to hear the various feelings, or emotions, and sensations that each person had experienced. All very similar but very different. This type of energy work is different for each person and will vary each time you do it. I proceeded home to rest and hibernate for the evening. I slept wonderfully and woke up beyond refreshed to teach my 6 am class this morning. I will absolutely be back to continue to work on the energy blockages in my body. One hour can be truly transformational if you give yourself the time to let it happen. 

If you’re looking to experience deep healing and to shift around blocked energies within your body I highly suggest getting into a session with Brigitte and allowing yourself the time and space to heal and move your prana. Schedule below:

Sunday's
Location: One Big Roof
Time: 4-5pm
Fee: $15.00
*Pre-registration required.
To RSVP or for info, contact Brigitte 518-275-5653 or peacewithin19@gmail.com

First Monday of the Month
Location: Hannah’s Healing
Time: 6:30-7:30pm
Fee: $15
*Pre-registration required.

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Practicing pranayama helps to regulate and purify your vital life force energy or prana. In yoga, it is believed that when your prana becomes unbalanced, you become susceptible to illness and disease in body, mind, and spirit. By bringing awareness to your body and consciously practicing breath-control exercises, you can bring positive changes to your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing.

The Space Between Breaths

I've officially been traveling for 34 days. It may all seem wonderful, but travel is tough. Don't get me wrong, I chose this path of adventure and of being away from everything familiar for 90 days, but it's not all sunshine and puppy dogs. As exhilarating as travel is, it's also exhausting.

Well, yesterday I hit my wall. I was flying from Christchurch to Sydney, flight time wasn't bad, less than 4 hours, then I had to catch a ferry to Manly, and then I walked (20 mins) to my friends apartment by the beach. Total time between returning the rental car in Chch and arriving in Manly it was a full 12 hour day. Let's rewind for a moment though, as 12 hours of travel is NADA, when I think about the 18 hour flight from Houston to Auckland I survived a month ago. However, let's think about it in the following terms: one month on the road, zero routine, zero familiarity, small comforts few and far between, missing two large holidays, introduce another time zone, and oh yea ... missing loved ones dearly. So needless to say I spent a good portion of the day in tears. I've highly enjoyed my journey abroad thus far, but it also has taken it's toll. I feel disconnected from all those dear to me. The lack of routine is OK, but when it's everyday, it's hard for your mind and body to really react in a manner you'd like it to. I haven't been physically practicing as much as I would like to on my mat either, thank goodness my meditation game is strong. And when I can't commit to a daily asana practice that always makes me feel guilty. I have been very active with hiking, biking, running, and dance parties with Katy but quality time with my mat has been suffering. And yes, I did practice a good deal in Chch at a heated studio, but I needed some real mat time. You know, the kind of practice where you are so in the zone that you completely forget about everything and anything. Letting your breath be your true guide, as nothing else in that moment matters. All the stress, fatigue, and worries, drip away in the same way a bead of sweat falls from your brow. So that's exactly what I did. Since I have the apartment to myself for the next few days I have some quality alone time. So, I rolled out my mat, got some jams going on Spotify, and lost myself for over two hours working every inch of my body, as I moved to my breath, and worked though all the things that have been eating away at me since I left. Pratice felt great, I was convinced this was what I needed to set things straight. 

I slept shitty. Yep, about 4 hours of sleep I'd say? I woke early around 6:30 AEDT and rolled out my mat. A few sun A's and B's and then it was time for my morning espresso. As I sat on my friends couch I closed my eyes, and just started to breathe. I remembered what one of my teachers once told me from the book 'Leap Before you Look':

"Become aware of the movement of the breath. Without trying to change it in any way. Watch the breath come in. Just before the in-breath turns into the out-breath, notice the small gap. Then watch the breath go all the way out ... Pay attention to these gaps. Be present in the gaps. And present as the gap."

One breath to the next, one heartbeat to another. If you quiet your mind, you can find that space. I found the space today, and in that space I discovered my stress, insecurities, worries, and sadness that had been plaguing me for the past several days and decades. But, I also found love, courage, and strength. It's funny this time of year people make 'Resolutions' for the year to come. I gave that practice up a long time ago, I prefer to set intentions, which arguably could be considered one in the same. As I thought more about this, it's not about the resolutions we make, but becoming resolute - more determined and focused on those goals or intentions -- call them what you'd like. I know for me I want to let go of fear, but a lot of this trip has to do with fear. I posted on facebook on New Years Day the following:

Last night we wrote down what we wanted to let go of from 2016. When I sat down to think about it I realized that fear had been a huge theme woven throughout the past year. Fear of surgery; fear of traveling abroad for 90 days; fear of falling in love and loving in return; fear of failure; I choose to let that all go. Because when I reflect back yes - I was scared, but I also triumphed all of those fears. FEAR has two meanings, 'Forget Everything And Run' or 'Face Everything And Rise'. Let's Rise!

To state the obvious, we are constantly working to improve ourselves, we can't expect miracles overnight. While, I have made progress in my fears this past year, I still have a road ahead of me. Do I expect those fears to be over at the end of my 90 day journey? I think not, but I hope to have a jump start on letting them go.

After finding the gaps, I made a few calls back home, and set out on my day. I ran a 5k around Manly Beach, went to a fantastic yoga class at Power Living yoga, strolled through the shops, stuck my toes in the sand, and let the ocean breeze caress my face. Oh yea, and I also drank a pint of Lager from a local Microbrewery in town called 4 Pines - who knew Lager was food for the soul? The spaces between breaths can often reveal so much to us.  

4 Pines Brewing - Lager

Sydney Opera House from the Ferry